Brian's So-Called Life
by Creative Clutter
Summary: A short piece from the perspective of Brian Krakow. Includes a fictional character that I made up.


Looking through the lens of a camera is so weird because it's like looking at the world from a whole new perspective. Everything suddenly becomes more beautiful because you start to notice the little things, like how the light falls on someone's face or the way people look at each other when they talk.  
Angela's face looks beautiful whether I'm looking through a lens or not. Sometimes I wish she wasn't so perfect…well, I mean, she's perfect in like…in a flawed way.

And there's Jordan, talking to Angela. She's like, so obviously in love with him. I can't believe her. He's so perfect in like, in a non-flawed way. Like a photograph of a horizon; sure, it's pretty, but it gets boring after a few minutes. I just wish she would appreciate the more flawed things in life. Maybe she should look through the lens of a camera at _me_. Then maybe she would see me differently. Something a little more like Jordan. No, that's wrong. I don't want to be like Jordan. I just want to be appreciated the way she appreciates him…or whatever.

I like standing in the middle of the corridor, even if people bump into me and curse at me and tell me to move. I feel like I'm at a point of advantage in the middle. Before this year, I would never have had the courage to stand in the middle. I would have stayed to the side out of the way, where like, no one even notices me.  
Through the lens of my camera I can watch as everyone moves around me. It's like an invisible spotlight.  
Joey Traveki is now under the spotlight… I can never understand why he stands there and stares at his shoes that way. Like there's something wrong with them but he can't quite pick what it is.

My spotlight lands on Tara Morosley. The girl who thinks she's invisible to the world, but really, everyone notices her. It's kind of hard not to when she has that purple hair.  
The spotlight is going crazy. Now it's scanning over all the people, people who are just like me and nothing like me at all. Just people. Just people…can they really ever be just people though? Like, really? …I think that everyone has to mean something to someone, like something really special and unique. Even if they don't think so.  
I squint as the lens focuses on someone: Soft, pale skin. Short, dark hair. A shockingly pretty smile is shot at me from the perfectly flawed face of the girl in the spotlight. I guess she saw me staring at her with a camera. I don't know why, but my legs always do this, instead of stopping dead when they get nervous, they walk without me letting them. I watch her getting closer and closer through the lens but unwillingly don't actually take a photo.  
The closer I get the more I want to take a photo, her face just keeps like, getting more and more beautiful, the glow in her eyes becomes even more obvious as I get up close. My hands begin to gradually lower the camera away from my face.

"Hi." She speaks. Her smile is like, so welcoming. Her eyes are a kind of ocean green. They seem so powerful, even without looking through my lens. I open my mouth to speak.

"Hey, Brian!" I don't need to look away to see who's calling me. I don't want to look away. But someone pushes me.  
I hate it when Rayanne does that! When she knocks me about like that. Like I'm some kind of bumper car…or something.

"Oh, who's your cute little friend then?" Oh my god, could she like, make this situation any worse? "Careful Krakow, wouldn't want the wind to change while you're looking at me like that!" I can't stand the way she chews the gum in the side of her mouth in between every couple of words. It really bugs me. I just wish I could tell her that.  
Her ridiculously short attention span causes her to find someone new to annoy. Thank God.

It sucks watching the mysterious girl being whisked away by her group of friends. I never even got to say 'hi' in return… I never even got to take her photo.

* * *

I hadn't really noticed until now how mechanical everything about my life is becoming. Every day is the same and if one little thing is different- like I sleep in or something- that would mess up the entire day.

I click photo after photo. Capture face after face, smile after smile. Taking pictures of everyone who catches my eye. But it isn't giving me that little kick that it usually does. It's just not the same. Like, there's something uneven about the photos I take. Nothing is quite right. I let a huge amount of air fill my lungs and close my eyes as I push it all back out.

"I know how it feels," I look up, but the voice is coming from behind. I swing around and stare back in awe. "To be the one taking the photos I mean." I can't take my eyes away. It's like my line of vision has some sort of weird magnetic attraction to her face. "It sucks. To be taking photo after photo of everyone. But no one even offers to take a photograph of you. Like, it doesn't even cross their mind or something. I guess people just like the attention. Like, they live off it or something. Everyone's just dying to get in the spotlight so much that they don't even consider the fact that maybe you need a little attention too."

I close my mouth and blink a few times just to make sure I'm really seeing this.

"And I mean," she continues, "I mean it's even worse when they _do_ take a photo of you but it's like, a sucky one because they didn't even care about how it looked, they just wanted to get it over and done with because they knew that if they took one of you then…then you would take one of them. People are just so selfish sometimes, you know?" I nod, not knowing what to say. That glow that was in her eyes yesterday is gone. Well, it's there but it's really like, faded.

"And it sucks," she says as she looks away, "like, when you go out of your way to take all these photos of people, to remember the time, to capture something and most of all to make some sort of a bond but they don't even make any effort." Her sighing filled up the silence. "…it means that when you look back at the photos…its like," she pauses for a second. "…it's like you weren't even there."

"…um," I start. I know this means more than just photographs. I concentrate on trying to look good, but don't pay any attention to my teeth closing in on my bottom lip. "I'd like to take a photo of you." Watching the glow start to light up a little more in her eyes as we both made the connection was like, the highlight of my week.

* * *

The bench is cold on the back of my legs but the wind is even colder. The two of us stare down at the photograph. This one is too special to be submitted to the Year Book.

"Thanks" I watch her red lips form into a grateful smile. I've only known her for like, a day and I'm already obsessing over her. "…for taking a picture of me." Even though her mouth was thanking me for the photo, her eyes were thanking me for the true meaning behind it; listening. It's obvious that no one has listened to her in a while. Which would suck, you know. I mean, I _do_ know. I know exactly how that feels …and she knows that. That's the connection we have now…or what have you.

At first I don't register it, but she snaps a photo of me from a camera she took out of her bag. But once the photo is taken, she doesn't take her eyes away from the lens.

"It's weird, you know." She says, and I can't stop smiling at her. "How different things look through the lens of a camera."

* * *

**Author's note: _Thank-you so much for reading this. Brian's So-called Life is my first fanfiction. I would also appreciate anything you have to say in a review, even if you didn't like it. Thankyou!_**


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